I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.