I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”