What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.