What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!