Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.