2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.