Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.