Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
I like you, you croc my world.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone