My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
Whatever floats your goat.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.