What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump