I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.