What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.