What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.