My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.