What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.