What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.