What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up