What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!