Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!