What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.