Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!