Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.