Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.