Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.