Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.