Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I like you, you croc my world.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.