Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.