What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla