What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.