What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.