What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.