What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.