Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.