How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.