Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.