How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!