Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel