Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.