What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!