Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.