What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.