Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!