Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.