Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.