Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.