Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!