Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.