What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.