What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder