What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!