What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.