What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.