How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.