What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."