Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!