Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"