Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.