What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.