Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.