Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!