What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.