Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.