What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.