What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.