What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.