How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.