Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
I goat this.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.