What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!