Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.