How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.