What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.