You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.