What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.