I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.