How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.