What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.