What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.