Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.