How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.