Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
My lobster's name is:
Claude