What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.