What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.