How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.