What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.