What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.