Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.