I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.