What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.